She always blames me and everything is always my fault in our relationship The person who is a blamer is unable to see that their own behavior contributes to their own misfortune or misery. They’re very quick to blame somebody else and never accept responsibility for their unhappiness or lack of success in any area of their life.The blamer is often unhappy, and genuinely believes the reason to be because someone has not met their expectations of doing or saying things that makes them feel good. They believe it is someone else’s responsibility to make them happy. In a close relationship, that’s you, which explains why if something goes wrong, or if she’s not happy, … [Read more...]
What’s so important about communication anyway?
Why do so many people get hung up and hurt about “poor communication”? Poor communication paves the way to disconnection in relationships.How often have you heard, “Oh my mum and I have never been able to communicate”? Or “My boyfriend and I get on great, but our communication is pretty shit.”Animals and birds seem to communicate effectively, so what it is about us humans that makes communication so difficult?Well, unlike animals and birds that communicate just for survival (“look out, the enemy is near” or “come over here and check out this food source!”) – we humans communicate for a number of other reasons:to ask (seek information)to tell (give information)to … [Read more...]
Is Resentment Ruining Your Marriage?
If resentment is ruining your relationship, then it’s important to find ways to work through that resentment Resentment is a strong negative emotion.An emotion that you have when you recall an incident from the past involving your partner’s actions that caused you an emotional pain at the time and has never been resolved.When you think about that incident or argument, you once again have a deep hurt that is experienced as anger or bitterness and because it’s not resolved you find it impossible to move past it.This emotion is a stress response.You might even recall the event so vividly that it almost feels as though it’s still happening.This is because the emotion … [Read more...]
What is the difference between sex and intimacy?
I want to have more intimacy in my relationship Most people have a perfect fairy-ideal of what romantic love and intimacy is.We may believe that love should be like the kind of romance we see portrayed in films, television, and novels and that it includes lots of passionate sec.Humans have a general desire to belong and to love, which is usually satisfied within an intimate relationship. And many think that this means having sex.But too often, people don’t know the difference between sex and intimacy.And they think their romantic relationships are less if they don’t experience this kind of fairy-tale, passionate relationship. The ‘romantic love’ fantasy is really a … [Read more...]
The Importance of Love Languages – What is my primary love language? Relationships often fail because one or both partners start to fall “out of love”. After those initial “fallen-in-love feelings” (when both partners are speaking the other’s Love Language!), one might soon feel that their partner no longer loves them as much as they used to.Hence the importance of Love Languages – but what are they?Imagine we each have an emotional fuel tank inside, and when our fuel tank runs low, we need to refuel, right? But just like with your car, we have a preference for which fuel we use to top up.When your partner shows his or her love in the way that you like and … [Read more...]
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