QUESTION: When my wife and I have arguments, I try to keep the peace by staying quiet. This seems to make her even madder and she yells at me for not caring about her and not being interested in what she has to say. Sometimes I feel like her aggression is killing me, yet when we are not fighting, we are just fantastic together. What is our problem?ANSWER: It seems you have different emotional styles – your spouse reacts and you withdraw. When we have a negative feeling, are fighting or are feeling stressed, we have a predominant style, either fight or flight, to process our emotion.Reactive people want action, need to resolve something straight away. They need to talk or act now, to sort … [Read more...]

QUESTION:  My wife blames me for everything! Whenever I make a decision, she gets angry and blames me for not consulting her. But if I leave it up to her to organize something, she sulks and refuses to do anything. Sometimes, she won't talk to me for days. I've expressed my frustration, yet all she says is she can’t love an abusive man. I am at my wits end. How shall I deal with her?ANSWER:  It seems you've tried all ways to do things right, yet your efforts are never acknowledged. It's common knowledge a woman can be hard to please – and some can be harder than others!Some women feel entitled to display their bad moods and don’t seem to grasp the impact of that behavior on others.When their … [Read more...]

Many times in our lives we experience emotional difficulties and are unsure of how to move forward. Marriage coach Karen Gosling explores a common situation and offers insight in this real life case study on how a happy passionate marriage can be achieved. ASK KAREN Robert felt uptight and out of control.  He felt trapped and unable to escape the stress in his life. He hated his job, felt bored, restless and under utilised. At work he was unfulfilled as his skills weren’t being acknowledged or used. Nevertheless, he worked longer hours to avoid his wife, Laura, who was always unhappy and nagging him.At home, Laura felt she managed the children on her own. The more decisions she … [Read more...]

Your relationship had a pretty rocky start ... He was married when you met him and you both fell in love and got together You went to jail and he went back to his wife – and started a family You discovered this when you got out of jail, and decently "let him go" to be with his wife and child. Now you're wondering, "Why does he not trust me?"You continued dating but kept comparing new partners with the love of your life that you had set free. You were still grieving the loss of him and the future you had at one time dreamed of having with him. That's normal.Other things happened in your life which were traumatic and you experienced a lot more grief.Then he came back and you resumed a … [Read more...]

Here are some keys to communicating effectively that can save your marriage Are you sick of fighting and even talking about separating– but then you even argue about that Communicating effectively can save your marriage. Alan and Di, who had 2 children under 6, were always fighting – lots of bickering, harsh and sarcastic comments, and so often a quick rise to conflict whenever they had a discussion. They were sick of fighting and even talked about separating– but then even argued about that.  They agreed to see a counselor to assist them with the process, believing that having someone to facilitate their discussions would reduce the conflict.They told the … [Read more...]