Are you choosing to be miserable and holding on to your resentments? Have you considered how much ‘cost’ is accumulated when resentments build, such as from not getting what you want in a broken relationship? Dr Mike Gosling shows us how to resolve resentments.Recently, my cousin referred me to a video on the web. I learned so much from Randy Pausch's life experience - his fight against pancreatic cancer, his humility, his gratitude. He said, "Experience is what you get when you don't get what you want." How often in life have you not gotten what you want? Aldous Huxley said, "Experience is not what happens to you; it's what you do with what happens to … [Read more...]
What Is Forgiveness?
What is forgiveness, and how do you ask to be forgiven? How do you grant someone the gift of forgiveness? Getting this right is critical in having a great relationship! What is forgiveness, and how do you ask to be forgiven? More importantly, how do you grant someone the gift of forgiveness? When you’re hurt by someone you care about, forgiveness is usually the last thing on your mind. Getting this right is critical in having a great relationship. Invariably in a relationship, you’ll be hurt. How you deal with the pain can be the difference in a relationship that is healed and one that drifts apart. What Is Forgiveness?Think about this question: What is … [Read more...]
Answer me so I know you’re listening
The problem is that most people don't really know what good communication is. "Answer me so I know you're listening" is basic. But talking and listening are essential tools for learning about your partner's feelings, making your feelings known and solving problems that arise within a relationship. In the following brief case study, I explore the "Answer me so I know You're listening" technique."Come on, Tom, answer me so I know you're listening. You don't have to be so rude or disinterested. Do you think you can help clean the bathroom this weekend?" Alice asks. "Tom, are you listening?" "Hey, come on Alice, of course I'm listening," says Tom."Well, why … [Read more...]
Communicating Effectively Will Win Over Your Partner
Communicating effectively will stop the fightsAlan and Di, who had 2 children under 6, were sick of fighting and decided to separate. They agreed to see a counsellor to facilitate the process, believing that having a mediator would reduce the amount of conflict in their discussions.When the counsellor asked why they had come, they said straight up, “We want to separate while we can still talk to each other civilly. We both think that’s important, so that we can continue to communicate appropriately and respectfully to each other about the children, as they grow up. We both care how this separation will impact on the kids.”They told the counsellor it was because of the fights they had, the … [Read more...]
Managing Conflict
Managing conflict in your relationship can bring up intense feelings In a healthy relationship, communication is key. When you communicate effectively, you understand your partner better and make your relationship stronger. Conflict occurs when you feel hurt (negative emotion) and you want to resolve the pain. It is no different to having a physical pain (cramp, headache, stubbing your toe) and wanting the pain to go away. Managing conflict is to ease the pain. Emotional pain is often attributed to someone else. For example: "You made me feel this way". Whilst this is actually incorrect, each of us is responsible for our own feelings, it is the most common interpretation. It is instinctive … [Read more...]