Consider what it is that YOU are experiencing in your relationship – Is it infatuation (limerence) or love? 1. How long have you been with your partner? Infatuation (limerence) lasts just long enough for a couple to get together, for the woman to be impregnated and a baby to be born.Then, theoretically, leaving the female to raise the offspring, the man can be off again to find another mate, and, by doing what comes naturally, ensure diversity of the species. Infatuation, Limerence or Lust is the human version of the mating instinct. 2. Is yours a “secret” relationship? Extramarital affairs are real hotbeds of limerence. Although the intense … [Read more...]

The importance of communication in relationships We use communication to gain information (things we need to know in order to fill our needs, satisfy our interests, and to survive) and to pass on information (to fill other’s needs, or to share an experience). Communication takes many forms – sign language, body language (both unconscious and deliberate), written/emailed, art, dance, and music.The spoken word in any language, that is, verbal communication, conveys only about 12% of the content of any message or information that is imparted. The rest is conveyed non-verbally, either in tone, inflection, manner, or body language.And that’s for females, who spend … [Read more...]

Have you read this anywhere before – that communication is the key to any relationship I first saw it years ago in a Nokia mobile phone advertisement. And its message is valid! No communication, no relationship. The communication can be verbal, written, sign language or body language… communication in a relationship is the main thing. Without it, you’re just two people. Relationships fail for three main reasons:unresolved hurts,ineffective communication,and not giving love according to your partner’s need for love.It is through the expression of words, said in the right way, and heard in the correct way, that old hurts disappear, and minds and souls … [Read more...]

We get on really well together … but we don’t have sex anymore Does this scenario look like you? You get on well with your husband, and enjoy spending time together. You talk pretty easily with one another and you describe each other as your “best friend”? You probably discuss heaps of different things and laugh a lot. He doesn’t control you and rarely judges or criticises you. If he does, it’s more like him giving you “constructive criticism”, said with kindness. Your marriage to others looks pretty perfect, and it almost is… but you sometimes wonder, does he really love me?Because there is no sex and hasn’t been for a very long time.There may occasionally be … [Read more...]

I need to get over the resentment in my relationship so that we can move past them Case Study Rex came for counselling because he wanted to learn how to deal with issues of resentment about him that his wife couldn’t get over.“My wife is always bringing up issues from the past that I believe should be left in the past,” he told me. “It is starting to affect our relationship, as I get angry when she brings up things again and again, that I have already apologized for, things that I thought were resolved. My friends tell me that women tend to do this, but why?”Rex added that this issue was now becoming huge because his wife had told him she was considering ending … [Read more...]

My Husband Never Listens to Me, He Only Hears What He Wants to Hear Case Study“I’ve just learned to keep things short and sweet whenever I speak to my husband”, Jess told me in a counselling session. “I realized long ago that he tunes out so quickly, I have to be pretty fast at telling him things. Instructions, that is. I never get to just talk to him like I do to my girlfriends.”“How do you feel about that?” I asked Jess. “Does that frustrate you?”Well, not frustrated, Jess replied, because that’s just the way it is with him. I’ve learned to live with it. But I do feel sad. Because at the beginning, we used to talk all the time, either on the phone or when we got together. Actually, … [Read more...]