Problem: My husband left me for another woman. How can I ever trust him again? Two years ago my husband left me for another woman. After a month he begged to come home. I missed him. And he was a good father – so I took him back. He tells me that he is now faithful but I find it hard to be intimate with him in case he is lying. How can I trust him again?Karen’s Assessment: Rebuilding trust means making the decision that you are going to trust him again!It is very painful for a couple to still feel physically and emotionally disconnected for so long after an affair (in this case, 2 years). The wife often still feels she can’t trust him and the husband feels lonely … [Read more...]

How do you feel when you receive a gift? My Mother-in-Law was a 'Gifts' person. She loved to give gifts, cards and money. And she felt loved in return when she received a gift My Mother-in-Law collected frogs. The Frog House (known as “Vale Ni Boto” – in Fijian, where she had grown up and lived most of her life) is where she became famous for her frogs, and a family friend who is skilled at wood carving crafted her a sign that she hung with pride above her frog collection in her home. She loved that sign.When I first met her in 1976, I was astonished to see her collection – even then, she had over 300. Not real, of course – just an array of frogs beyond anything you could imagine. … [Read more...]

How does your emotional style affect your relationships? There is more than one emotional style ... Which is your emotional style?Aristotle (384-322 BCE) said..."The ultimate value of life depends upon awareness, and the power of contemplation rather than upon mere survival". Mike said..."I learned at great cost to manage my reactive  emotional style." Karen said..."I was astonished to discover my avoidant emotional style."There are two emotional styles - avoidant and reactive. Regardless of your gender, you are more likely to display more of one style than the other.Mike and Karen Gosling are married. They are both highly educated and … [Read more...]

Are your personal emotions affecting your relationship? Everything in life is about what you feel ... If you're experiencing positive emotions, that's great ... This is a non-problem status. Enjoy your life! If you're feeling negative emotions ... you are emotionally constipated and experiencing the physical effects of negative emotion (stress). Personal emotions represent bodily feelings experienced as arousal of the nervous system. Stress involves an emotional reaction, especially a reaction involving negative emotions. No one else can experience your feelings in the same way that you do. An implication of this fact is you have to be … [Read more...]

Emotional Development Is All About How To Grow Emotional Skills Growing emotional skills is far more important than any functional skill in achieving peace and calm and your relationship goals By Dr. Mike Gosling, Relationship Coach, Authority in Applying Emotional IntelligenceIf you’re like me, you focus most of your attention on personal growth. You know that developing emotional skills is priority number one. Thinking about career and promotion - That’s just a distraction.But I would venture to say most people are not like me. Most people focus on the functional skills - finance, banking, engineering, medicine, law - one needs to survive and be competitive … [Read more...]