QUESTION: When my wife and I have arguments, I try to keep the peace by staying quiet. This seems to make her even madder and she yells at me for not caring about her and not being interested in what she has to say. Sometimes I feel like her aggression is killing me, yet when we are not fighting, we are just fantastic together. What is our problem? ANSWER: It seems you have different emotional styles – your spouse reacts and you withdraw. When we have a negative feeling, are fighting or are feeling stressed, we have a predominant style, either fight or flight, to process our emotion. Reactive people want action, need to resolve something straight away. They need to talk or act now, to sort … [Read more...]

QUESTION:  My wife blames me for everything! Whenever I make a decision, she gets angry and blames me for not consulting her. But if I leave it up to her to organize something, she sulks and refuses to do anything. Sometimes, she won't talk to me for days. I've expressed my frustration, yet all she says is she can’t love an abusive man. I am at my wits end. How shall I deal with her? ANSWER:  It seems you've tried all ways to do things right, yet your efforts are never acknowledged. It's common knowledge a woman can be hard to please – and some can be harder than others! Some women feel entitled to display their bad moods and don’t seem to grasp the impact of that behavior … [Read more...]

Many times in our lives we experience emotional difficulties and are unsure of how to move forward. Marriage coach Karen Gosling explores a common situation and offers insight in this real life case study on how a happy passionate marriage can be achieved. ASK KAREN Robert felt uptight and out of control.  He felt trapped and unable to escape the stress in his life. He hated his job, felt bored, restless and under utilised.  At work he was unfulfilled as his skills weren’t being acknowledged or used. Nevertheless, he worked longer hours to avoid his wife, Laura, who was always unhappy and nagging him. At home, Laura felt she managed the children on her own. The more decisions she … [Read more...]

Many times in our lives we experience emotional difficulties and are unsure if our marriage is worth saving. Expert relationship counsellor, Karen Gosling, explores a common situation and offers insight on how to fix your relationship. Ask Karen John and Lisa agreed on counselling to help end their marriage amicably. Explaining that they no longer “got on”, frequently snapping at each other with rudeness and sarcasm, Lisa said that John no longer filled her emotional needs – to be loved, appreciated and cared for. John acknowledged he was working longer hours at the office to avoid going home and that he was feeling empty and in turmoil. Both said they felt "finished". Karen's … [Read more...]