Relationship Counselling Since 1979

Blamers

Posted on August 6, 2019 Written by Karen Gosling BA (Soc. Work), MPH, AASW,

She always blames me and everything is always my fault in our relationship The person who is a blamer is unable to see that their own behavior contributes to their own misfortune or misery. They’re very quick to blame somebody else and never accept responsibility for their unhappiness or lack of success in any area of their life.The blamer is often unhappy, and genuinely believes the reason to be because someone has not met their expectations of doing or saying things that makes them feel good. They believe it is someone else’s responsibility to make them happy. In a close relationship, that’s you, which explains why if something goes wrong, or if she’s not happy, … [Read more...]

HSPs

Posted on August 6, 2019 Written by Karen Gosling BA (Soc. Work), MPH, AASW,

Stop being so sensitive! “Relax! What’s the big deal?”“Get over it!”“You’re such a drama queen!”“You’re too sensitive.”Sound familiar? Perhaps you have been hearing these things all your life. Or perhaps you find yourself saying them quite often to a close friend, colleague or family member.If so, it’s likely you either are, or live in close contact with, a highly sensitive person. And if so, it’s likely that you experience all the advantages and difficulties that go along with it.What is a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP)?Highly sensitive people, or HSPs, make up about 20% of the population. They have inherited nervous systems that seem designed to react to more … [Read more...]

My Family Drives Me Crazy

Posted on August 6, 2019 Written by Karen Gosling BA (Soc. Work), MPH, AASW,

I want to disown my family, they drive me mad Family are funny creatures, aren’t they? At various times you love them or you hate them but you wouldn’t be without them. You don’t choose them yet even when you don’t really like them, you travel miles to be with together with them on special occasions, like Thanksgiving or Christmas.Are you distressed by something going on in your family?Maybe with a parent or a step-parent or possibly even an interfering mother-in-law? Or perhaps you are estranged from your siblings, or having to cope with step-siblings and half-siblings because you live in a blended family.Maybe it’s your own children that are giving you … [Read more...]

Keys To Keeping A Great Marriage

Posted on August 6, 2019 Written by Karen Gosling BA (Soc. Work), MPH, AASW,

Create a strong and intimate marriage You know the fairytale… you grow up and get married and live happily ever after…NOT SO! Sometimes not even the wedding is a fairy tale. Because it’s common that partners experience relationship problems even BEFORE they say ‘I do’. Was that the case with you?Or perhaps you have changed partners – several times? That’s OK, we can’t always get it right the first time. People change, and so the nature of a relationship will change, and feelings for your partner do too.But then you find your Soulmate.Your Soulmate is the partner you believe at a deep level that you will be with for a very long time. In fact you cannot imagine … [Read more...]

What’s so important about communication anyway?

Posted on August 6, 2019 Written by Karen Gosling BA (Soc. Work), MPH, AASW,

Why do so many people get hung up and hurt about “poor communication”? Poor communication paves the way to disconnection in relationships.How often have you heard, “Oh my mum and I have never been able to communicate”? Or “My boyfriend and I get on great, but our communication is pretty shit.”Animals and birds seem to communicate effectively, so what it is about us humans that makes communication so difficult?Well, unlike animals and birds that communicate just for survival (“look out, the enemy is near” or “come over here and check out this food source!”) – we humans communicate for a number of other reasons:to ask (seek information)to tell (give information)to … [Read more...]

Is Resentment Ruining Your Marriage?

Posted on August 6, 2019 Written by Karen Gosling BA (Soc. Work), MPH, AASW,

If resentment is ruining your relationship, then it’s important to find ways to work through that resentment Resentment is a strong negative emotion.An emotion that you have when you recall an incident from the past involving your partner’s actions that caused you an emotional pain at the time and has never been resolved.When you think about that incident or argument, you once again have a deep hurt that is experienced as anger or bitterness and because it’s not resolved you find it impossible to move past it.This emotion is a stress response.You might even recall the event so vividly that it almost feels as though it’s still happening.This is because the emotion … [Read more...]

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