Here are some keys to communicating effectively that can save your marriage Are you sick of fighting and even talking about separating– but then you even argue about that Communicating effectively can save your marriage. Alan and Di, who had 2 children under 6, were always fighting – lots of bickering, harsh and sarcastic comments, and so often a quick rise to conflict whenever they had a discussion. They were sick of fighting and even talked about separating– but then even argued about that. They agreed to see a counselor to assist them with the process, believing that having someone to facilitate their discussions would reduce the conflict.They told the … [Read more...]
The Frog House
How do you feel when you receive a gift? My Mother-in-Law was a 'Gifts' person. She loved to give gifts, cards and money. And she felt loved in return when she received a gift My Mother-in-Law collected frogs. The Frog House (known as “Vale Ni Boto” – in Fijian, where she had grown up and lived most of her life) is where she became famous for her frogs, and a family friend who is skilled at wood carving crafted her a sign that she hung with pride above her frog collection in her home. She loved that sign.When I first met her in 1976, I was astonished to see her collection – even then, she had over 300. Not real, of course – just an array of frogs beyond anything you could imagine. … [Read more...]
Reactive Emotional Style
Relationships can often be confused because intimate partners don't know how to deal with a reactive emotional style What someone with a reactive emotional style needs to be aware of is the impact of their behavior on others Mike says..."I learned at great personal cost, with the loss of my former wife and twin daughters over 30 years ago, that loud tones, aggression, irritation, and anger - the reactive emotional style - had to go.I have always been a leader, full of ideas and the energy, persistence, and dedication to carry them out. I used to not take fools lightly and felt quickly frustrated, irritated, and angry when things did not go my way. I could explode like a … [Read more...]
Avoidant Emotional Style
Relationships can often be confused because intimate partners don't know how to deal with an avoidant emotional style I experience my negative emotion intensely (the burden of the highly sensitive person) "Once I learned how my adrenalin floods affected everything I did life became much more enjoyable and easier".Have you carefully considered your emotional style? Do you find that you avoid confrontation and difficult conversations? If so, you likely have an avoidant emotional style. Often times two people in a relationship will have different strategies to deal with conflict. Knowing how to manage each will help to improve communication and resolve hurt feelings.I have always … [Read more...]
Your Emotional Style
How does your emotional style affect your relationships? There is more than one emotional style ... Which is your emotional style?Aristotle (384-322 BCE) said..."The ultimate value of life depends upon awareness, and the power of contemplation rather than upon mere survival". Mike said..."I learned at great cost to manage my reactive emotional style." Karen said..."I was astonished to discover my avoidant emotional style."There are two emotional styles - avoidant and reactive. Regardless of your gender, you are more likely to display more of one style than the other.Mike and Karen Gosling are married. They are both highly educated and … [Read more...]
Personal Emotions
Are your personal emotions affecting your relationship? Everything in life is about what you feel ... If you're experiencing positive emotions, that's great ... This is a non-problem status. Enjoy your life! If you're feeling negative emotions ... you are emotionally constipated and experiencing the physical effects of negative emotion (stress). Personal emotions represent bodily feelings experienced as arousal of the nervous system. Stress involves an emotional reaction, especially a reaction involving negative emotions. No one else can experience your feelings in the same way that you do. An implication of this fact is you have to be … [Read more...]
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