My Husband Never Listens to Me, He Only Hears What He Wants to Hear Case Study“I’ve just learned to keep things short and sweet whenever I speak to my husband”, Jess told me in a counselling session. “I realized long ago that he tunes out so quickly, I have to be pretty fast at telling him things. Instructions, that is. I never get to just talk to him like I do to my girlfriends.”“How do you feel about that?” I asked Jess. “Does that frustrate you?”Well, not frustrated, Jess replied, because that’s just the way it is with him. I’ve learned to live with it. But I do feel sad. Because at the beginning, we used to talk all the time, either on the phone or when we got together. Actually, … [Read more...]

Answer my question without getting defensive or irritable! Hi this is Karen. Some years ago, not long after we moved into a new area, my husband Mike and I were in the car heading to the nearby shopping centre. I had only been there once since our move and this was the first time we were going together.I asked Mike, “Why are you driving this route to the shopping center?”I wanted to know if there was a valid reason for me to take note, for example, less traffic, fewer traffic lights, a shorter distance or arrival at a more convenient entry.Instead of giving me an answer to my question, Mike answered sarcastically, “Do you want to drive next time?”He had interpreted … [Read more...]

Answer Me So I Know You’re Listening! Do you feel like men just don’t listen? Can you relate to the following scenario?“Come on, Tom, answer me so I know you’re listening. You don’t have to be so rude or disinterested. Do you think you can help clean the bathroom this weekend?” Alice asks. “Tom, are you listening?”“Hey, come on Alice, of course I’m listening,” says Tom. “Well, why don’t you answer me, then? Why don’t you stop what you’re doing and look at me when I speak to you. I feel so frustrated when we need to discuss things and you don’t answer me and you just keep on ignoring me. I NEVER know when you’re listening to me.”Alice and Tom had been having … [Read more...]

Do you find that men don’t talk about their feelings? Talk to Me More About Your FeelingsKathy had met up with her girlfriend Megan for coffee and both were talking about their husbands.Kathy told Megan,  It’s almost as though Mike doesn’t quite ‘get’ feelings. I’ve seen him in social situations where he doesn’t seem to get the vibe of the group.She went on, He also seems oblivious to how I feel at those times. He always talks about himself and he goes on and on and people always have to listen to him talking about his work, his things, his interests.It’s the same at home. It’s ALWAYS about HIM and what he’s doing.But if I want to talk about what I’m interested … [Read more...]

When your relationship started you never considered that indifference could wreck your relationship? You used to talk about everything and never ran out of things to say, right?You plotted ways to be together because you couldn’t get enough of each other, remember? You stole moments with each other, talking way into the night… ... Or if you couldn’t get together, you spent hours on the phone. You would discuss yourselves, your past, your relationships with friends and family, your hopes and dreams, disappointments, failures…in fact, everything!Why was it so easy? Because you believed that your partner really wanted to find out all about you. You felt secure that no … [Read more...]

Some men just don’t know the language of emotions to talk about their feelings This is what women often complain to one another: “He never talks about his feelings!” Well, perhaps he can’t. Perhaps he doesn’t know the words to describe his feelings.And if he doesn’t, he won’t be able to even think about his feelings, let alone talk to you about them.Think about when you are waiting to have a blood test and you feel a bit NERVOUS – that is a feeling.Or if you arrive late for a meeting and someone makes a sarcastic comment to you about you always being late, you feel EMBARRASSED – that is a feeling.But if I ask you to describe those feelings in Spanish, you may … [Read more...]