How do I fix my sexless marriage?
Do you feel like your life is stretching out before you, devoid of lust or passion? With a man you love, and have great companionship with, just no intimacy?
Do you wonder why your marriage is sexless, where (once upon a time, just like in the fairy tales) you shared lots of fulfilling and regular sex? You still dream of it, and even ask for it occasionally. But you can only be rejected so many times, before you stop asking, right?
Most men want sex all the time, so why does my man withhold sex?
You so often hear from girlfriends that their husbands want sex all the time, and they get sick of it. But you are hurting when THAT topic gets brought up, because you want to scream at them how lucky they are… and how would they feel if they never got to have sex at all, like you?
You have asked him, and read on line, looking for the answers (because he can’t tell you the reasons why). You have pretty lingerie in the drawer that has never been used – because he’s not interested. You have touched and stroked, caressed and invited, but even if it has resulted in sex, it’s just mechanical. The passion has gone. It’s like it’s a CHORE for him to be near you naked.
Is my husband using sex as a weapon?
Do you mean, is he trying to manipulate you? Well, if this is the case, then you’re not sure why, or what he is trying to get at, right?
It could be that he doesn’t know the answer himself, which is the reason he can’t discuss it with you.
Men often don’t have a good vocabulary to discuss their emotions, which is the reason they can’t put their feelings in to words. And if they don’t have the vocabulary, then they also won’t be thinking about their feelings, because we think and analyze using words and sentences in our head.
So they get challenged and defensive when you ask them to explain what the problem is. This leaves you feeling even more rejected and confused.
So why do men withhold sex?
There are many and varied reasons, so here goes with a few of them. Read them all, and see if you can identify any that may be relevant to your situation?
- He may be anxious that he can no longer perform as he used to, due to being overweight, tired, getting older, or even medical reasons. Requests from you may increase that anxiety and put even more pressure on him than he puts on himself. So to avoid any potential embarrassment, he avoids the topic altogether.
- Even though you both get on well, you are more like housemates than lovers. Are you feeling connected at an emotional level, or are you just taking each other for granted? Guys as well as females like to feel that they are making love to someone they are connected to, not just “living with”.
- He may be a person who avoids conflict and bottles things up. If he is a person who does not like confrontation, he may be holding on to some resentments about you (for example, do you criticize or belittle him, or nag?) and these will result in him not feeling “safe” in your presence. If this is so, he will withdraw from any sexual contact, as he perceives that his “stress” comes from you. You will feel like the enemy. And you don’t make love with your enemy.
- Do you expect him to make all the decisions, or do you share in the responsibilities of being partners together in this relationship? Does he have to keep asking or reminding you to do things? Do you whine and complain if he asks, or throw a tantrum and behave like a child? Because if you do, this could be the reason he has stopped wanting sex with you. Men like having sex with a woman, not with a child.