Do you feel that your wife always criticizes everything you do
“I feel distant from my wife, and I feel as though I am no longer in love with her. She seems to always criticize me and no matter what I do it is never good enough, in her eyes.
I believe I can no longer make her happy as she is frequently angry at me and always has an aggressive tone.
Now when she tries to hug or touch me, I pull away and she yells at me about that too. I am starting to think my marriage is over.”
Your Marriage May Be Over
As a counsellor, I always feel sad when a husband tells me about his wife criticizing him. And I answer honestly that yes, your marriage may be over. It depends how long this type of communication has gone on and whether you both wish your relationship – and your communication – could be better.
Firstly, we have to work out what is going on and reasons why the wife is criticizing him.
Is she a wife who wants to be heard by her husband, and gets exasperated and frustrated when she feels he is not listening to her or acknowledging her feelings? And that comes out as aggression?
Or is she one of those wives who push their husband away without realizing it, because of the way she communicates? I call these wives Dragon Women.
Once loving and warm and feminine, after a time the “Dragon Woman” can become hard and distant and the home seems like a battleground. Her body language is hostile, and her manner is aggressive. There are frequent shouting matches in which she levels unfounded accusations at her husband. She is often grumpy and negative, but not with others, only with her husband.
She repeatedly criticizes him and has unrealistic demands, and when he tries to appease her, she changes the goal posts.
The Dragon Woman is not just a nag but a character demolisher.
She insists that she is right and leaves no room for discussion. She is rude and unwilling to listen, often dismissing her husband’s opinions as valueless.
If this is your wife, if she is a Dragon Woman, she will have lost the quality of softness and gentleness that you once loved her for. Men often do wonder what happened to femininity.
You are not alone if this is what you are experiencing. Many men are now complaining about their wife’s behavior and her uncontrolled aggression in the relationship.
Withdrawing will not solve the problem.
I tell the husband that the first step is for him to communicate more effectively, which means to learn to listen to his wife and to acknowledge her feelings. This is often a new skill for men. Sure, men know a lot, but they are not as expert in the area of feelings and emotions as their wives wish they were.
Once he communicates differently, it may result in a change in the way she interacts with him. Remember, we can only change ourselves, we can’t change other people’s behavior. But by changing the way we do things, we often get a change in another person’s responses.
If there is no change, then more action may have to be taken, for example, marriage counseling.