Can limerence turn into love? What's behind Love or Limerence?
Some call limerence infatuation, love sickness, or romantic love, while others relate it to love addiction - Is limerence real?
Are your feelings love or limerence? Limerence (also infatuated love) is an involuntary state of mind which results from a romantic attraction to another person combined with an overwhelming, obsessive need to have one’s feelings reciprocated.
David certainly emphasizes the chemical contribution to the feelings of limerence (he likens it to taking drugs!), but also realistically mentions the “dampened down” good feelings that come with loving someone.
He speaks about a person who is addicted to Limerence as having had problems with relationships.
I am not sure I agree with this view. I think all of us can experience limerence when we are attracted to someone and have the feelings reciprocated. They can be an essential part of a long-term relationship.
Going from one relationship to another, in order to keep re-experiencing limerence, may simply be a lack of awareness, if you interpret limerence as love. If a person learns about limerence and recognizes it’s fading (sadly), he or she may then be more content with the less passionate but nonetheless positive feelings that still exist in a longer-term relationship.
Here is David Sacks talking about Love or Limerence, which can last 18 months to 3 years:
The term ‘limerence’ was coined by Psychologist Dorothy Tennov in her book Love and Limerence: The Experience of Being in Love (1979, 1999), which gives an insight into that involuntary feeling of want. Tennov has described limerence as first and foremost a cognitive obsession and an emotional state of intense romantic desire for another individual. She states that limerence in itself is normal and non-pathological. However, limerence can cross the line into pathology when a person is no longer able to function in his or her day-to-day activities. It is especially tough when a person’s feelings of affection aren’t reciprocated.
This limerence stuff is serious business and you need to fully explore it as you rekindle your romance.
When you’re trying to fix your relationship think about the limerence you experienced in the beginning. If you still always end up fighting, it’s time to get some professional help.
You can change this today.
I can help you to:
- Understand and fully experience limerence – it can be smothering and unsatisfying where one cares little about the other person’s well-being.
- Turn limerence into love – turn your relationship from unstable and intense to a healthy, affectionate, long-term commitment.
- Understand your emotional brain – learn how your brain effects your personal emotions and let go of the intensity and euphoria of romantic love.