My husband and I are drifting apart
Have you ever felt that you and your husband are drifting apart? Have you thought to yourself that your husband doesn’t love you now the same as he did when you first got together, even though you still love him?
I guess we have all felt that fear at some time in our relationship – the fear that we love our partner more than he loves us.
Ever wondered why it is that you felt safe and secure in the relationship before, but not now? Why you are feeling more distant?
Did he bring you flowers before you married – but never since? Perhaps he doesn’t hold your hand or cuddle up to you in bed like he used to? Or maybe he is more irritable when you try to have conversation with him.
Whatever it is, you know you are unhappy in your marriage.
He did things before that made you feel loved and secure – but not any more
Now think about it the other way around. I wonder if your partner feels just as loved now by YOU as he did before. What did you do for him before, that you don’t do now?
Perhaps you would often snuggle with him on the couch while you were watching TV – but now you spend more time in the kitchen, clearing the dishes.
Or maybe you always wanted to chat to him after dinner, or spend hours on the phone with him. But now, you spend hours on the phone with your girlfriends instead.
We all need to be loved in different ways – and we are not all the same
Think of it as us all having an emotional gas tank, and when we run out of gas, we need to top up. But we don’t all go to the same gas station. We each have a preference (for whatever reason) for a certain gas station, and we go out of our way sometimes, to drive to our preferred one. Right?
Well, it’s the same for being “topped up” emotionally. When our emotional gas tank runs dry, we like it to be filled in our preferred way. This is the way we like to be loved. This is what we NEED in order to feel loved.
Love Languages are the ways that a person might feel loved.
You may have heard of the 5 Love Languages (Dr Gary Chapman wrote a book with this title). These are the five different ways in which a person “receives” love – and it could be by receiving a gift, or having someone simply spend time with them, or perhaps having someone do something for them.
Other people feel loved when they receive physical touch (a warm hug, holding hands, a caress), whilst others may need to hear their loved one SAY words of kindness or affirmation.
In my case, I don’t need praise, but I do like a thank you (words of appreciation). And because my ears play an important part in the way I feel love, I react badly to an irritable or judgmental tone of voice, and I don’t do well with raised voices and anger. This may be the same for you.
If you speak to someone in a love language that is not the way they feel loved, then your expression of love falls on deaf ears!
At the beginning of a relationship, we are so in love, we spend all our time with each other and meet our partners need for love AND MORE just by being so adoring…. because we are speaking ALL the Love Languages without actually knowing it.
As time goes on, we have to consciously and deliberately speak our partner’s Love Language – but that means we first have to find out what it is!