Are you feeling frustrated and unloved by your partner?
Do you feel wounded and misunderstood when he says, "Stop sulking!"
If you are feeling frustrated and unloved or taken for granted, right now, then I want to share this story with you…
My name is Karen and thirty years ago, my husband Mike and I owned a 76 acre (30 hectare) rolling hills sheep property in the Adelaide Hills, South Australia. It was a beautiful place with two dams and stocked with around 100 Border Leicester ewes, which lambed every spring.
When we bought the property it had no internal fencing, so Mike drew up a design for the various paddocks and we set about putting up the fences.
One Sunday, the two of us worked all day together, putting in fence posts. This involved me holding a new post in position as Mike lined it up from afar. I would then hold it in place while Mike came back and dug the hole, then the lining up would happen a second time.
Then Mike came back and pushed dirt back into the hole, and made the dirt firm around the post in its new position, using a crowbar. Back and forth, lining up, digging, pushing in soil, and ramming the crowbar. Hard, hard work, hour after hour, the two of us working as a team.
Late in the day, after a large corner post had finally been rammed into position, Mike went back to check the work done. And the corner post was out of alignment (according to Mike’s eye that demanded perfection).
Mike blew up! He shouted and ranted about the post being in the wrong position, and swore at the “stupid bloody thing” and “now we’re just going to have to get it out and do it all over again. It’s not good enough.”
I went quiet, and couldn’t believe that Mike could be so mean to me, when I had been nothing but patient and cooperative all day. How could he attack me like that?
The tension between us did not abate that evening, and I gave Mike the “cold shoulder” into the next day whilst I waited for an apology from him for his unnecessary outburst. An apology did not come, so the “no talking” between us continued.
Not a word between us until later on the Tuesday, when civil courtesy returned, “Do you want something to eat?” “Can you drive me to work tomorrow?” But no warmth. I was still waiting for an apology. I had been wounded and believed that Mike should apologize for his behavior on the previous Sunday.
On Thursday, fed up with the silence, Mike asked me, “So when are we going to start speaking again? What are you sulking about?” I was incensed. “I’m not sulking. I’m wounded.” “What on earth are you wounded about?” Mike wailed, totally frustrated. “What have I done now?”
Sarcastically, I said, “You know very well what you’ve done. I’m wounded because you yelled at me.”
Bewildered, Mike said, “Yelled at you? When did I yell at you?” And so with great self-righteous indignation, I repeated word for word, what he had yelled at me on Sunday.
I had dwelt on it so many times since then, I now knew the scene off by heart.
Mike was flabbergasted at my disclosure. He protested and said, “But I wasn’t yelling at you! I was yelling in frustration because the fence post was crooked.
I was the one doing the lining up, so if I was yelling at anyone, I would have been yelling at myself! Whatever made you think I was yelling at YOU?”
Sheepishly now, I said, “Well of course I would think you were yelling at me, I was the only one there.” I of course, being a sensitive and avoidant person, had not ever yelled at a person, and certainly not at an inanimate object. To me, that didn’t make sense. No wonder I had assumed that Mike had been yelling at me. But I suddenly realized I had got it wrong, which explained why there had been no apology.
Now, let me ask you a personal question…
Can you relate to this? Are you feeling frustrated and unloved? Have you ever felt stressed but can’t put your finger on why?
Have you ever had that silent scream, “Can someone give me some answers about what’s going on here and give me some solutions… PLEASE!!!”
If you’re going to spend time researching and piecing it all together like I did, then be prepared to feel frustrated, confused, agitated and angry!
(And that’s only on the first day! I spent many months putting all the info together!)
So let me save you the time and trouble (and many brain-draining hours in front of the computer) working out the answers for yourself… because to my knowledge there is no such resource… until NOW!
Knowing how to control your emotions is one of the most important steps in rebuilding your relationship.
When you’re trying to fix your relationship but your emotions are out of control, you will always end up fighting. It’s time to get some professional help.
You can change this today.
I can help you to:
- Restore a connection after you’ve been wounded – and not stay withdrawn and “sulky”.
- Know your emotional style – your emotional style effects how you react in emotional situations.
- Understand your emotional brain – learn how your brain affects your personal emotions.