Do you feel angry or have anger issues a lot of the time?
Anger is a normal, healthy response to a threat and may be used for a constructive purpose. Anger issues arise from a reactive emotional style and may lead to destructive thoughts or actions.
Are you a person who is angry a lot of the time or has anger issues? Have you been waiting to learn more about the Fight (Reactive) type of person? Is that you?
Are you married to someone who has anger issues, is often frustrated or irritated – someone who has a reactive emotional style? Someone who can explode without warning – like a “bomb”!
Is it killing your romance?
Do you want to know more about why they are like this?
Often, the reactive person doesn’t even realize that they are irritable or speaking with an annoyed tone.
Their reactive display releases the adrenalin that was caused when they initially had their negative emotion, and they ‘get over it’ pretty quickly.
Sometimes, the reactive person gets angry when they are concerned or fearful.
Reactive people tell me that they seldom experience anxiety…
… their feelings are more along the lines of frustrated, irritated and angry… even when they are worried about someone.
The avoidant person, on hearing this, feels unjustly attacked and withdraws. The reactive person does not notice this initially.
To him, the silence that follows means that everything is OK in the relationship.
You can see these reactions perfectly in the video from The Little Mermaid. First, the fish displays a frozen response to King Triton’s attack on Ariel and can’t get all his words out. Then the 16 year old Mermaid is taken aback by her father’s anger issues when he’s concerned about her and gets defensive. When he dad gets even more angry and yells at her, she simply can’t understand why he reacts like this, and swims away to avoid further conflict and yelling.
Knowing how to control your anger issues is one of the most important steps in rebuilding your relationship.
When you’re trying to fix your relationship but you’re angry, you are out of control and you will always end up fighting. It’s time to get some professional help.
You can change this today.
I can help you to:
- Understand your dominant emotions of anger, irritation, and frustration. These emotions are normal for a reactive person, especially when you’ve been mistreated or wronged – the problem is that anger issues can impact badly on your partner.
- Know your reactive emotional style – you can better manage your style using my anger scale worksheet.
- Manage your personal emotions so they do not intensify and become resentment, rage and a need for vindication!