What Is Passion?

Lost Passion?

Do you feel like your relationship has lost passion? If so, it may be some of the energy that was prevalent early in the relationship isn’t there in the same way as it was. In new relationships the energy often comes in discovering each other and doing activities you haven’t done before. This excitement creates a bond and a closeness that we often apply the label of passion to. As a relationship matures, the energy and excitement needs to come from new places. Maybe it’s not as exciting as the first time you kissed or as thrilling as finding out your partner also loves some of the same things you do but there’s excitement, it’s just hidden in different forms.

The passion could come from the energy and excitement of buying a first home or a mutual hobby or interest. It could come from learning something new or an interest in a common cause.

What Is Passion: Consider this

Thanks for being the one person who shares all my passions and who I don’t have to hold myself back with.

This statement was made by woman who had been a married of more than 20 years. This couple had gone through a period when they thought that they had lost their passion. What they realized is that passion isn’t something artificial like a short-term activity or the excitement of a new relationship. Real passion is being interested in what your partner is interested in for no other reason than he or she is interested in it. The act of sharing your interests with another person and having them engage you is unique to a passionate relationship.

In the statement above, there’s an acknowledgement that she appreciates her husband’s interest in her passions. Does he love all of the things she does? No, not at all; but he cares about his wife and shares in her passions. Does that mean he participates in her passions? Maybe some of them, but not all. The sharing of the other person’s interests reinforces the bond between them. The bond is another way of describing passion.

Passion Action Steps:

1. The next time your partner is talking to you about something he/she is excited about, listen to your partner as if it’s the most important thing in the world at that moment. Ask questions about it. Be sincere. Try to find out what makes it so interesting. Maybe you’ll find it interesting too. 
2. Why does your partner like it?
   Does it give him/her a sense of connection with people? Is it a learning experience or does it stimulate your partner’s intellectual side? Is there a feeling of variety or excitement evoked? Does it make your partner feel strong, smart, or relaxed? If it is something that creates excitement, it’s meeting a need or needs in your partner’s life. What could be some needs that are being met? If you ask these questions, it’s likely that your partner will start taking more interest in the things you are excited about. It might not happen immediately but it likely will over time.
3. Remember the definition of passion? It’s a powerful emotion or energy. The conversation in the Action Step creates that emotion or energy. That energy is addicting and is may be what your relationship needs. In this case, it’s okay be addicted.