I want you to know that when resentments are resolved, you can get back a connection in your marriage because you start to feel safe again. Being distant or disconnected is about NOT FEELING SAFE to share yourself emotionally or physically with your spouse.

When you feel resentment, your body is holding on to adrenalin, which is the chemical our body produces when we have fear. You may not even be aware of it, because it happens at a biological level.

Your brain somehow interprets you are not safe, and your body releases adrenalin to prepare you for “fight or flight” – which of course is designed to keep you safe.

But when your body is aroused with adrenalin, this is the experience of having a negative feeling – and you become instinctively cautious around the person or object that you perceive has caused you to feel fearful.

So in order to fix your troubled marriage you have to learn about how to manage those negative feelings. And ‘resolving a resentment’ is a counseling term to describe “getting over it” so that the past event or fight no longer impacts on your present day life. You may still think of it, or even discuss the old event, but the PAIN of it has gone. The event is no longer a threat to you.

It is possible to do this?

It is possible to have couples resolve stuff that has happened in their past so that they feel connected again and get back to being Soulmates.

Why do I say this? Because my husband Mike and I have helped literally thousands of couples over our years of coaching and counselling, to make their relationships work by doing just what we are going to teach you! Couples who write to us sometimes YEARS later and say, “Thank you, we wouldn’t still be together if we hadn’t come to see you at that difficult time.”