The only marriage counsellor in the world to promise you a Happy Passionate Marriage in as little as 30-days… or she’ll work with you until you do.
Step 6 of 8
How To Change Your Relationship
Have you considered changing your “Mate Type”?
Here’s how I can help you achieve your dream relationship!
You want to be a SOULMATE. You want get some romance back in your relationship but you don’t know how.
Well, romancing your partner is the easiest way of getting some intimacy back in your relationship.
Your partner will feel loved and wanted and in return will want to keep you happy.
(Did you know that a man is the happiest when the woman he loves is happy? I have found this to be true, in any culture!)
I have described the 4 “Mate Types” and where you fit on The Intimacy Quadrant…
… you now know your goal is to get to the top right Soulmate Quadrant.
So to achieve intimacy and effective communication with your spouse, your goal is to Romance Your Soulmate! That’s right… you’ve got to start back at the beginning of your relationship and work on your troubled marriage to achieve your happy passionate marriage. And it all starts with romancing your soulmate!
ROMANCE YOUR SOULMATE
Now is the time to Romance Your Soulmate – to attract him or her again and move them seamlessly through a process to be your perfect partner – someone who becomes your raving fan and who once again starts to focus on you, in other words, directs his energy toward YOU.
You may anticipate this will be difficult if you feel like you are the only one putting in any effort. But don’t despair. If you make the initial changes, if you alter the way you behave and become more the person you want to be, then your partner will begin to feel safer in the relationship. And when a person feels safe, there is less need to “be on guard” (get defensive) or “attack” (be critical or controlling).
By being determined to have a better relationship, even if you are working on it alone, you will end up having just that – a better relationship! Of course, your partner being involved in the process brings even greater reward. (I’ll give you some hints soon about how to get him or her involved.)
When you’re done you’ll never be more ready to fall in love again…
There are 5 Steps to Romance Your Soulmate
- Flirting
- Back To Our Place
- Courting
- Romance
- Commitment
1. Flirting.
You can begin this relationship all over again, starting with making a re-connection, and flirting – being attracted to one another.
Flirting is fun! Flirting or being the object of flirting is stimulating and alerts you to the fact that someone is interested in you! Your body tingles with excitement and your body floods with good feeling chemicals, which heighten your brain power and allows you to be witty and charming and totally responsive to the one you are flirting with. When we flirt, we display the very best of ourselves. We want that other person to be attracted to us, as we are to them.
So is it possible to flirt with someone you have known for a long time and have been disconnected from?
Yes, although those highly stimulating and arousing chemicals may not be as intense as the first time around. And whilst loving was easy the first time around, now you may want to discover what your partner needs most, to feel loved. This is what you will learn in my Romance Your Soulmate (RYS) program.
2. Then head “back to our place”…
… where you have privacy to talk through your old resentments, acknowledge each other’s feelings, and deal with the hurts.
Remember the thrill of “coming back to my place” and the anticipation of it being just the two of you, having plenty of time and total privacy, to get to know each other better. Remember the hours spent talking, finding out more about each other, wanting to know everything about what makes the other one “tick”?
“Back to our Place” is about recreating that safe place, where there is privacy, to talk to each other about how you really feel. It is about being vulnerable, and leveling with your partner about your hurts and resentments in a constructive, non-critical way. If you criticize (attack), you will get defensiveness or an attack back.
The most important thing going “Back to Our Place” must do is entice your disconnected partner to start communicating with you using effective communication. This is what you will learn in my RYS program – the way to speak with your partner so you both REALLY hear each other and acknowledge each other’s feelings.
3. Courting
With the emotional wounds resolved, you will feel ready to “court” each other again. Courting is different to dating – it is the time to get to know each other at a deeper level.
When you have been disconnected from your partner, it is possible to “woo” him or her back into a meaningful relationship with you. You want your partner to understand and agree to be receptive to such a re-engagement.
If you are estranged or living separately, you may want to consider first dating again with the intention of rebuilding emotional, spiritual, recreational and physical intimacy. With the history you already have together, this courtship is more likely to result in a deeper and more connected relationship.
In my RYS program, what you learn in this module is how men and women differ in their way of communicating and in their relationship needs.
4. Romance
Romance is definitely about creating – or resurrecting – intimacy, at all levels.
In her book Good Loving Great Sex, Dr. Rosie King spells Intimacy as it is pronounced: “In-to-me-see” – which describes quite simply what intimacy is. It is about letting your partner know/see inside of you.
To rekindle this romance is to resurrect or re-create emotional, intellectual, physical, spiritual, recreational and sexual intimacy. In my counselling, I give you strategies to do just that.
Sexual intimacy is not the whole of romance, but is certainly an important aspect, so needs to be addressed. Men and women prefer different types of sexual touch, and this too is discussed in the program, as are various types of sexual engagement. Even connected partners differ in their desire for sexual activity at different times and solutions to this, to keep everyone happy, are suggested.
Romance is about treating each other with kindness and respect. It is about putting the other person first, and showing care and compassion. It is about feeling connected and secure in the relationship, feeling a desire for sexual intimacy, knowing you can initiate or be a willing participant, and your sexual needs and wants will be respected.
5. Commitment
When you are in the relationship that fulfills you, you will want to commit to it.
Commitment is the daily choice we make to go home to our chosen partner.
If you are in a committed relationship with your spouse, you make a daily choice to drive your car into your driveway, to enter into your home, to eat a meal with your partner, and then to sleep in the same bed with him or her. You may not realize it, but every action is a choice. No one is forcing you to drive to that home, or sleep with that partner.
If one day you drive to someone else’s home and sleep in someone else’s bed, then you have broken your commitment to your partner. You have made an alternate choice. You do have an option to recommit to your partner. However there may be consequences to your being “less committed”, even for a short time.
If commitment is broken, deep hurt can be caused due to trust being broken. If this has occurred in your relationship, then you will have experienced the trauma of betrayal, which can be an immediate cause of communication and relationship breakdown. You will feel as though you will never get over the hurt of the betrayal.
BUT YOU CAN DO THIS!
You can learn to resolve old hurts – even the big ones – and begin the process of reconnecting in your marriage.
All you need are the guidelines, the tools and the strategies to fix your troubled marriage.
You can follow step-by-step how to Romance Your Soulmate so that you can deepen your marriage and make it stronger – one that will last.
DO YOU WANT TO GIVE THIS A TRY? WOULD YOU LIKE YOUR PARTNER TO BE ON BOARD WITH YOU AS WELL?
I will give you some hints about how to get him or her involved – I told you I would!
To get started right away on having a happy passionate marriage – Make an appointment with Karen Gosling today!
—— A GREAT MARRIAGE STARTS WITH YOU ——
