The Frog House

The Frog House (known as “Vale Ni Boto” – in Fijian, where she had grown up and lived most of her life) is where my Mother-in-Law collected frogs. She became famous for her frogs, and a family friend who was skilled at wood carving crafted her a sign that she hung with pride above her frog collection in her home. She loved that sign. When I first met her in 1976, I was astonished to see her collection – even then, she had over 300. Not real, of course – just an array of frogs beyond anything ... [Continue Reading]

The Fight or Flight Response

In this short video I provide an introduction to the fight or flight response, which Mike and I have called your emotional style. I discuss two emotional styles that people display when they're feeling distressed or upset. Your emotional style depends on whether you are instinctively a fight or flight response person. This is the dominant way in which you process emotion in your body. When you and your partner are fully aware of how you react to events in your life - such as, your ... [Continue Reading]

Reactive Emotional Style

I learned at great personal cost, with the loss of my former wife and twin daughters over 30 years ago, that loud tones, aggression, irritation, and anger - the reactive emotional style - had to go. I have always been a leader, full of ideas and the energy, persistence, and dedication to carry them out. I used to not take fools lightly and felt quickly frustrated, irritated, and angry when things did not go my way. I could explode like a bomb! As a man, I was used to summing up a ... [Continue Reading]

Avoidant Emotional Style

"Once I learned how my adrenalin floods affected everything I did life became much more enjoyable and easier". Have you carefully considered your emotional style? Do you find that you avoid confrontation and difficult conversations? If so, you likely have an avoidant emotional style. Often times two people in a relationship will have different strategies to deal with conflict. Knowing how to manage each will help to improve communication and resolve hurt feelings. I have always gone ... [Continue Reading]