How To Rekindle A Relationship

Hi, it's Karen here... Relationships break down. Period. It's what you do before or after your relationship breaks down - it's what you do about what happens to you - that can bring back the spark! In this short article I'll delve into how to rekindle a relationship... Congratulations for recognizing your situation. This is an easy thing to deal with. We know how it starts We know how it progresses We know what happens in your emotional brain We can help you if you're prepared to ... [Continue Reading]

What Is Passion?

A common statement in a dying relationship is that our relationship doesn't have the passion it used to. At times this could be true, but at other times the word passion is used to encapsulate other problems in the relationship. The next time a loss of passion comes to mind ask yourself if there something else that’s going on. Read below to learn what is passion and how to add more passion to your relationship. What is passion really? In younger couples it’s often a euphemism for great sex. ... [Continue Reading]

Resolving An Issue

Resentment is a strong negative emotion that you experience when you remember or recall an incident from the past that caused an emotional pain at the time, which has never been resolved. Upon recalling the event, the body generates an emotion that can be described as anger or a feeling of being deeply upset. This emotion is a stress response. Resolving an issue that harbors resentments is the subject of this article, not clinging to them and leaving the fires burning! Some people recall ... [Continue Reading]

Communicating Effectively Can Save Your Marriage

Try Communicating Effectively Alan and Di, who had 2 children under 6, were always fighting – lots of bickering, harsh and sarcastic comments, and so often a quick rise to conflict whenever they had a discussion. They were sick of fighting and even talked about separating– but then even argued about that.  They agreed to see a counselor to assist them with the process, believing that having someone to facilitate their discussions would reduce the conflict. They told the counselor they wanted ... [Continue Reading]

The Frog House

My Mother-in-Law collects frogs. She became famous for her frogs, and a family friend who was skilled at wood carving crafted her a sign that she hung with pride above her frog collection in her home, which became known as “Vale Ni Boto” – The Frog House (in Fijian, where she had grown up and lived most of her life). She loved that sign. When I first met her in 1976, I was astonished to see her collection – even then, she had over 300. Not real, of course – just an array of frogs beyond ... [Continue Reading]

The Fight or Flight Response

In this short video I provide an introduction to the fight or flight response, which Mike and I have called your emotional style. I discuss two emotional styles that people display when they're feeling distressed or upset. Your emotional style depends on whether you are instinctively a fight or flight response person. This is the dominant way in which you process emotion in your body. When you and your partner are fully aware of how you react to events in your life - such as, your internal ... [Continue Reading]

Reactive Emotional Style

I learned at great personal cost, with the loss of my former wife and twin daughters over 30 years ago, that loud tones, aggression, irritation, and anger had to go. I have always been a leader, full of ideas and the energy, persistence, and dedication to carry them out. I used to not take fools lightly and felt quickly frustrated, irritated, and angry when things did not go my way. I could explode like a bomb! As a man, I was used to summing up a situation, weighing alternatives, ... [Continue Reading]

Avoidant Emotional Style

"Once I learned how my adrenalin floods affected everything I did life became much more enjoyable and easier". Have you carefully considered your emotional style? Do you find that you avoid confrontation and difficult conversations? If so, you likely have an avoidant emotional style. Often times two people in a relationship will have different strategies to deal with conflict. Knowing how to manage each will help to improve communication and resolve hurt feelings. I have always gone ... [Continue Reading]

Your Emotional Style

There is more than one emotional style ... Which one are you? Aristotle (384-322 BCE) said... "The ultimate value of life depends upon awareness, and the power of contemplation rather than upon mere survival". Mike said..."I learned at great cost to manage my reactive emotional style." Karen said..."I was astonished to discover my avoidant emotional style." There are two emotional styles - avoidant and reactive. Regardless of your gender, you are more likely to ... [Continue Reading]

Personal Emotions

Personal emotions represent bodily feelings experienced as arousal of the nervous system. Stress involves an emotional reaction, especially a reaction involving negative emotions. No one else can experience your feelings in the same way that you do. An implication of this fact is you have to be responsible for your feelings. They are not happening to anyone else. No one can make you angry except yourself. Personal emotions are generated to signal a need. But how are emotion states generated? ... [Continue Reading]

How To Grow Emotional Skills

By Dr. Mike Gosling - The Emotional Leader Program If you’re like me, you focus most of your attention on personal growth. You know that developing emotional skills is priority number one. Thinking about career and promotion - That’s just a distraction. But I would venture to say most people are not like me. Most people focus on the functional skills - finance, banking, engineering, medicine, law - one needs to survive and be competitive in a modern world where success is often measured by ... [Continue Reading]

Being Triggered – Fight Flight Freeze

Fight Flight Freeze Reaction I have been telling you about the fight or flight response and how our different Emotional Styles - Reactive or Avoidant - can impact on romance. Reactive people are more inclined to be immediately aggressive (fight) and Avoidant people are more likely to be defensive or withdraw (flee). When triggered, people either  - fight flight freeze. I am talking about freezing or withdrawing psychologically in many instances, not necessarily physically. The Avoidant ... [Continue Reading]