Avoidant Emotional Style

“Once I learned how my adrenalin floods affected everything I did life became much more enjoyable and easier”.

avoidant emotional style

Do you have an Avoidant Emotional Style Like Karen?

Have you carefully considered your emotional style? Do you find that you avoid confrontation and difficult conversations? If so, you likely have an avoidant emotional style. Often times two people in a relationship will have different strategies to deal with conflict. Knowing how to manage each will help to improve communication and resolve hurt feelings.

I have always gone along with what other people wanted, deferred to their wishes and opinions, in order to manage my adrenalin levels. My happiness came from harmony in my environment, as conflict or even potential conflict, resulted in adrenalin floods. If I perceived that a person may judge me, disapprove of me, be disappointed or feel let down by me, I would feel so dreadful that I would go out of my way to ensure that this did not happen. Once I’ve had an adrenalin flood I need to process it out of my body and “return to normal”. After conflict it takes me a long while to “warm up” again – hence my husband Mike’s suggestion of the egg-timer!

I experience my negative emotion intensely (the burden of the highly sensitive person) and avoid any situation that may potentially cause an escalation of that feeling – the avoidant emotional style. I was an obedient teenager (lest my parents be cross with me), a diligent student (lest my teacher think badly of me), helpful to all (lest people dislike me because I was selfish) and a wife that withdrew and internalized in order to avoid conflict. I am learning that my avoidant behavior – the flight response – impacts on Mike who feels punished and excluded.

Mike says, “Because you have an avoidant emotional style doesn’t mean that you have a monopoly on negative emotion”. This is something I need to be constantly aware of and recognize when considering the impact of my behavior on others. My appreciation of how I deal with my emotion has improved immeasurably my over all well-being. I feel energized to share with others how managing my avoidant emotional style releases adrenalin from my body making me emotionally well.

Avoidant Emotional Style: Action steps…

Read on >> Reactive Emotional Style

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About Karen Gosling

Karen Gosling is an authority on Relationships and an experienced Counsellor and Mental Health Social Worker. She is the founder and editor of Blogs at RelationshipsMe.com and HowToChangeHim.com. Sign up for her Members Free Content Area at RelationshipsMe.com/members/

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